A First Time for Everything

“Suddenly, being a kid felt stressful. You learned that the best way to survive was to keep a low profile.

I became quiet.

Small.

I wanted to be invisible.”

Dan admits that he spent all of middle school trying to avoid embarrassment and pain. After a few profoundly negative experiences, Dan closed himself off from the world. This thematically helps introduce The Impact of First-Time Experiences and speaks to Dan’s strong and lasting response to being bullied by classmates in school.

“I’d like to report a murder. There were about 700 witnesses.”

Dan uses hyperbole to express the sheer horror and humiliation he felt when he was made fun of during his speech. This moment helped shape Dan’s perception of himself and the world, and only by leaving the environment for something new did he finally begin to assert his independence and learn to ignore negative input, which thematically develops Overcoming Fear to Live in the Moment.

“He’s thirteen. He’s a teenager. Teenagers don’t want to do anything.”

Dan’s mother stereotypes him as a grumpy and rebellious teen, not realizing that the experience of being bullied shaped Dan’s views. Dan is quiet and doesn’t want to worry his mother, so her interpretation of his attitude remains skewed.

“This is a once in a lifetime experience! Try to make the most of it. All the kids here seem to be excited but you.”

Dan’s father lectures him about his negative attitude toward traveling and trying something new. Dan did not enjoy the vacations he took with his parents and assumes that this one will be the same way. He has yet to learn to suspend judgment and embrace living in the moment.

“Don’t worry, if the plan goes down, at least my death will be quick.”

Dan’s dark sense of humor emerges occasionally, like when he says goodbye to his parents and imparts just a taste of guilt on them before he goes. In that moment, Dan believes that he’s heading for nothing but pain and bad experiences.

“That sounds a little dangerous.”

Dan’s attitude on the first day of the trip remains hesitant and defined by his fear of getting hurt. By being thrust into a setting that requires him to be independent, Dan discovers his own potential and gains confidence in himself, developing the theme of Discovering the Independent Self.

“Back home, I rode my bike all over my tiny little town, but Paris was twice the size of it. This felt different. It felt so grown-up.”

Exploring Paris with his friends is one of many first-time experiences on the trip that change Dan’s worldview and help him grow as a person, thematically supporting The Impact of First-Time Experiences. He discovers that he has power over his life and learns to enjoy the freedom of making decisions for himself.

“It was like walking in a dream…only this was real.”

Dan compares the experience of seeing things he once only read or heard about to a dream. It is surreal and unbelievable, like being transported to an entirely different world. This is just the total change in environment that Dan needs to find and assert his independent spirit.

“First day in Europe.”

Defining Dan’s first day in Europe is the moment when he stands atop the Eiffel Tower, overlooking Paris. With no one else around, Dan is high above the world, illustrating his potential and the world of possibilities before him.

“You’re not the type of guy who likes to go out on adventures.”

Dan’s schoolmates constantly judge him, pegging him as a particular “type” of person, rather than acknowledging that, like anyone, he can grow and change. This is part of the reason that Dan closed himself off and stopped trying to get to know new people or try new things. Dan must convince everyone around him that he has the potential to grow and assert his independence.

“You’re a loser, Dan. Why did you kiss her ear? I mean, who does that?”

Dan’s self-talk is self-deprecating and defeating. He has learned not to like or trust himself, and whenever he experiences something embarrassing, he dramatizes and catastrophizes. Dan slowly learns that embracing what life has to offer is up to him, and he consciously decides not to let his past hold him back anymore, thematically developing The Impact of First-Time Experiences.

“This is the greenest green I think I’ve ever seen.”

Dan’s sense of humor is playful and friendly, and he’s always ready with a joke, particularly when talking to his teacher, his parents, or girls his own age. He doesn’t see these positive traits in himself and instead thinks that he has no skills or points of interest to offer. Eventually, Amy helps him see that this is not so.

“Not many kids get an opportunity like this, and you never know if you’ll ever come back here. Try to make it the best trip of your life!”

Mrs. Bjork is perceptive and always notices when Dan is struggling with emotions and thoughts. She tries to help by giving him advice and things to reflect on. When she sees him sulking, she reminds him that he could enjoy himself more by letting go of his inhibitions, highlighting the theme of Overcoming Fear to Live in the Moment.

“That didn’t end well…Why would this be any different?”

Dan relies on past experiences to navigate the present, which can be useful but can also keep him from enjoying life. Dan thinks that when something didn’t go his way the first time, it’s likely to fail again; thus, past negative experiences shape his present, anchoring him and preventing him from being himself or taking risks.

“Maybe I just didn’t have an open mind? There’s a whole world outside of my small town, and I’m lucky to see it!”

Dan’s self-deprecating inner thoughts start to change. Instead of constantly doubting himself, he realizes that his thinking is flawed and develops a desire to alter the path he’s on. He goes from feeling dread and fear to being excited to see as much of the world as possible.

“It’s delithith.”

When Dan drinks his first beer, he starts slurring words like “delicious,” creating a moment of levity and humor in his memoir. Although he isn’t proud of this experience, it’s a humanizing moment and shows that he’s starting to loosen up and be more open to trying new things. It’s also one step in embracing independent thinking, further developing the theme of Discovering the Independent Self.

“Wait. Is he my height? Asian guy? Likes to drink Fanta?”

As Dan’s confidence increases, he starts to feel comfortable with himself again. As a result, his humor emerges more often, and he’s even able to poke fun at himself. Amy helps bring this out in him, but he also feels an inner push to be more than what he was.

“I love to draw. I don’t show anyone, though. Leave it to kids at school to ruin that, too.”

After a classmate harshly criticized one of his drawings (likely out of jealousy), Dan never showed anyone his work, fearing rejection or criticism. Because of past experiences that altered how he saw himself and his fears, Dan closed himself off to others. Letting Amy see his work is a major step for Dan in opening up and overcoming fear.

“Seeing the world as a bigger place made it feel much friendlier.”

Through meeting so many new people and seeing new places, Dan learns that the world is not the aggressive and scary place that he felt it was when all he knew was middle school and his town of Camarillo. Being around peers without the baggage of school and the past allows Dan to fully come into himself.

“I feel alive!”

Dan feels more alive than he has in years when he experiences real danger and has no one else to protect him but himself. In riding away from the punks who are trying to chase him down, Dan is taking a risk, putting his safety on the line, but he’s also reminding himself that life is precious and that the thrill of living can’t be traded for anything.

“The most important factor is how you deal with all those [positive and negative] life experiences. That’s what defines a person’s character.”

Mrs. Bjork’s advice for Dan helps him reflect and consider alternative ways of being and thinking. She explains that The Impact of First-Time Experiences is entirely in their power and that Dan can choose whether the painful memories of his past hold him down or make him stronger.

“Everyone was savoring the last few remaining days of the trip. And here I was, sulking that the best part of the trip was ruined.”

Dan starts to feel ashamed by his own negative attitude, which is a sign that he is almost ready to leave it behind for good. He sees himself from the outside and observes that he is the problem, not his peers or the world.

“That was amazing! I can’t believe we just witnessed all that!”

Dan and Amy boldly sneak into Wimbledon and have a once-in-a-lifetime experience they’ll never forget. By stepping out of his comfort zone and doing something risky, Dan asserts his independence, exemplifying the theme of Discovering the Independent Self.