A Very Large Expanse of Sea

1. volatile (adjective): 

threatening; explosive

“It was the end of August, all volatile heat and the occasional breeze.” (Chapter 1, Page 1)

2. mediocre (adjective):

only moderate in quality; just adequate

“It didn’t matter that I told people, over and over again, that I was born here, in America, that English was my first language, that my cousins in Iran made fun of me for speaking mediocre Farsi with an American accent—it didn’t matter.” (Chapter 1, Page 4)

3. panopticon (noun):

a building in which one can see all parts of the interior from one place, like a prison or hospital

“Two and half more years until I could get free from this panopticon they called high school, these monsters they called people.” (Chapter 1, Page 11)

4. tedious (adjective):

long, boring, and tiresome

“I survived the first three weeks at my new school with very little to report. It was unexciting. Tedious.” (Chapter 2, Page 14)

5. perfunctory (adjective):

without care or enjoyment; performed as routine

“I interacted with people on only the most basic, perfunctory levels, and otherwise spent most of my time listening to music.” (Chapter 2, Page 14) 

6. insatiable (adjective):

not able to be fulfilled or appeased

“Not for the first time, I was left in awe of the insatiable appetite of teenage boys.” (Chapter 2, Page 17)

7.  articulate (verb):

to speak clearly and precisely

“It grossed me out in a way I couldn’t really articulate.” (Chapter 2, Page 17)

8. beatifically (adverb):

in a way that is saintly or bestowing of happiness

“It was always an ordeal for me, the awkward, agonizing embarrassment of having no one to work with, having to talk to the teacher quietly at the end of class to tell her you don’t have a partner, could you work by yourself, would that be possible, and she’d say no, she’d smile beatifically, she’d think she was doing you a favor by making you the third in a pair that had been very excited about working the hell alone.” (Chapter 3, Page 22)

9. samovar (noun):

a metal urn for heating water (for coffee or tea)

“The samovar, gurgling quietly in the background.” (Chapter 4, Page 35)

10. begrudgingly (adverb):

reluctantly

“I’d only gotten a cell phone a few months ago, and it had taken a great deal of begging […] before my parents finally, begrudgingly took me to a T-Mobile store to get me my very own Nokia brick.” (Poem 6, Page 73)

11. sartorial (adjective):

relating to clothing or style of dress

“I thought women were gorgeous no matter what they wore, and I didn’t think they owed anyone an explanation for their sartorial choices.” (Chapter 5, Page 49)

12. iteration (noun):

a different form or type of something

“It was an iteration, a simultaneous arm and evolution of hip-hop, and coolest of all—it was originally used as an alternative to physical violence.” (Chapter 6, Page 57)

13. dogma (noun):

official tenets or guidelines of a church or group

14. aneurysm (noun):

an enlargement of a blood vessel (swelling) which can cause damage to the parts of the body around it (such as the brain or heart)

“I worried that one day my mom might get her hands on it, read it, and realize her daughter was a complicated, flawed human being—one who often disregarded the dogma of religion—and have an actual aneurysm.” (Chapter 7, Page 66)

15.  innocuous (adjective):

unlikely to cause harm or injury

“It wasn’t far from campus, and it seemed like an innocuous enough destination for cheap food and a little change of scenery.” (Chapter 10, Page 85)

16. inscrutable (adjective):

unable to be studied and understood or perceived with comprehension

“His face was inscrutable. He picked up his menu, his eyes scanning its many options.” (Chapter 10, Page 87)

17. nullify (verb):

to make void or useless

“I wasn’t sure why, but they loved pointing out to me that they could already see an inch of my hair, like maybe that would be enough to nullify the whole thing.” (Poem 11, Page 96)

18. colloquial (adjective):

common of everyday conversation as opposed to formal speech

“Hijabis was a sort of colloquial term some people used to describe girls who wore hijab.” (Chapter 12, Page 100)

19. intimated (past tense verb):

hinted

“First of all, I’m pretty sure my parents would be horrified if I ever so much as intimated that I had feelings for a boy, because I think they still think I’m five.” (Chapter 13, Page 118-17)

20. bigots (plural noun):

those who are intolerant of others’ beliefs or opinions

“I’m tired of being patient with bigots.” (Chapter 14, Page 125)

21. abysmal (adjective):

extremely awful

“The quality of this female interaction had been worse than abysmal.” (Chapter 15, Page 135)

22. apropos (adverb):

in a way that is fitting or timely

“I was tapping my pencil against a blank page in my notebook, avoiding the dead cat between us and instead trying to think of things to hate about him, when Ocean turned to me, apropos of nothing, and said, ‘Hey, am I saying your name right?’” (Chapter 16, Page 142)

23. inexplicable (adjective):

unable to be explained

“I was still trying to get over the inexplicable heat in my head […].” (Chapter 19, Page 161)

24. dissolution (noun):

the breaking of a bond or partnership

“I’d had it all worked out in my head; I’d hoped to tell a story, paint a picture, illustrate very, very clearly why this whole thing was doomed, and why we should avoid hurtling toward the inevitable and painful dissolution of whatever it was we were building here.” (Chapter 19, Page 166)

25. euphoria (noun):

intense happiness

“He kissed me and I felt actual euphoria, like all my senses had merged and I was reduced to breath and heartbeats and repeating integers.” (Chapter 19, Page 171)

26. supine (adjective):

lying face up on the back

“I fell back, supine on the scuffed floor of the dance room, and stared up at the recessed lighting.” (Chapter 20, Page 178)

27. cauterizing (participial adjective):

to burn tissue in order to close or seal a wound

“That wasn’t the beginning—that wasn’t where my anger started—but it was a cauterizing moment I would never forget.” (Chapter 21, Page 182)

28. paragon (noun):

a model of excellence

“I was not a paragon of anything.” (Chapter 21, Page 186)

29. livid (adjective):

furious; visibly angry

“She looked livid. ‘You are a terrible role model for Muslim girls everywhere!’ she said.” (Chapter 22, Page 194)

30. diffused (participial adjective):

dispersed

“Everything was suddenly black and milky with distant, diffused light.” (Chapter 24, Page 208)

31. inane (adjective):

lacking sense; ridiculous

“I didn’t answer people’s inane questions.” (Chapter 25, Page 215)

32. gradations (plural noun):

stages, degrees, or phases

“Once I started paying closer attention to him—and to his world—the subtle gradations of his life began to come into focus.” (Chapter 27, Page 233)

33. inextricable (adjective):

unable to be disentangled or caught

“What I kept forgetting, of course, was that high school was home to infinite clichés for a reason, and that Ocean was, in some ways, still inextricable from his own stereotype.” (Chapter 27, Page 234)

34. debacle (noun):

a complete and sudden failure

“And I took great care to appear so deeply, thoroughly unmoved by the whole photo debacle that the mess defused itself in a matter of days.” (Chapter 28, Page 246)

35. slanderous (adjective):

false, defamatory, malicious

“[…] and he was forced into an impossible position, trying to defend me against slanderous statements about my faith, about what it meant to be Muslim, about what it was like to be me.” (Chapter 28, Page 247)

36. xenophobia (noun):

fear of and/or hostility toward people from other cultures

“It wasn’t the abusive rhetoric, the blatant xenophobia.” (Chapter 28, Page 256)