Becoming: Adapted for Young Readers

“The sound of people trying, however, became the soundtrack to our life. There was plinking in the afternoons, plinking in the evenings. Ladies from church sometimes came over to practice hymns. Under Robbie’s rules, kids who took piano lessons were allowed to work on only one song at a time. From my room, I’d listen to them attempting, note by uncertain note, to win her approval, graduating from ‘Hot Cross Buns’ to ‘Brahms’s Lullaby,’ but only after many tries. The music was never annoying; it was just persistent.”

Michelle uses the persistent sound of piano practice as a metaphor for the broader values of effort, perseverance, and gradual progress that define her early life. The “plinking” represents not just the literal sound of children learning music, but also the continuous and often arduous process of striving for improvement, a recurring motif in her memoir. The repetition of attempts to “win her approval” reflects the discipline and determination required to advance, whether in music or in life. By describing the music as “never annoying; it was just persistent,” Michelle highlights the idea that success is often not about natural talent but about consistent, sustained effort. This passage emphasizes the environment and ethos of disciplined striving that shaped her, setting a tone for the memoir as a narrative of resilience, hard work, and the gradual mastering of challenges over time.

“Now that I’m an adult, I realize that kids know at a very young age when they’re not valued, when adults aren’t invested enough to help them learn. Their anger over it can manifest itself as unruliness. It’s hardly their fault. They aren’t ‘bad kids.’ They’re just trying to survive bad circumstances.”

Michelle reflects on the deeper implications of her childhood experiences in school, recognizing how a lack of investment from educators can deeply impact children’s behavior and self-worth. By acknowledging that “unruliness” often stems from feeling undervalued, she highlights a critical insight into the systemic issues that affect marginalized communities. This insight illustrates her understanding of the broader societal challenges that influence personal growth and the importance of nurturing every child’s potential.

“It was hard to know what to do. All the while, I could hear the sound of conversation going on between the adults in the kitchen nearby, my parents’ laughter ringing easy and loud over the yard. I watched my brother in the flow of a sweaty game with a group of boys on the street corner. Everyone seemed to fit in, except for me. I look back on the discomfort of that moment now and recognize the more universal challenge of figuring out how who you are fits with where you come from and where you want to go. I also realize that I was a long way, still, from finding my voice.”

Michelle reflects on the discomfort she felt as a child when she realized she didn’t quite fit in with her peers. Surrounded by the ease and joy of her family, she feels isolated and unsure of how to deal with the expectations placed on her. The passage captures the tension between wanting to belong and the struggle to maintain authenticity in the face of social pressures. This moment illustrates a broader, universal challenge of identity formation, highlighting the difficulty of reconciling one’s background with personal aspirations.

“She loved us consistently, Craig and me, but we were not overmanaged. Her goal was to push us out into the world. ‘I’m not raising babies,’ she’d tell us. ‘I’m raising adults.’”

Michelle highlights her mother’s balanced approach to parenting, where love was consistent but not suffocating. The emphasis on raising adults, rather than babies, illustrates a focus on fostering independence, self-reliance, and the ability to move in the world confidently. This approach not only empowers Michelle and her brother Craig to grow into capable individuals but also instills in them a sense of responsibility and readiness for the challenges of adulthood. Michelle frames her mother’s wisdom and restraint in parenting as central to her development and success, underscoring broader values of resilience and empowerment in the memoir.

“But as I’ve said, failure is a feeling long before it’s an actual result. And for me, it felt like that’s exactly what she was planting—a suggestion of failure long before I’d even tried to succeed.”

Here, Michelle delves into the psychological impact of doubt and its power to undermine one’s confidence. She reflects on how a simple suggestion of failure, like her teacher’s comment that she isn’t Princeton material, even when unfounded, can deeply affect a person’s sense of self-worth and potential. By articulating this experience, she highlights The Importance of Believing in Oneself, a theme that recurs throughout her memoir as she navigates challenges and defies the limitations others attempt to impose on her. This moment highlights the internal struggle between external judgments and personal resolve, a central element in her journey of becoming.

“Still, it was impossible to be a Black kid at a mostly white school and not feel that certain students and even some professors were watching me closely, wondering whether I’d only gotten into Princeton because I was Black. These moments could be upsetting, even if I’m sure I was just imagining some of it. It planted a seed of doubt.”

Michelle discusses the challenges of being a Black student in a predominantly white institution like Princeton, overtly connecting the scrutiny she feels from peers and professors with her insecurities and self-doubt. This moment encapsulates the broader theme of racial identity and the emotional toll of navigating spaces where one feels like an outsider. Michelle’s candid acknowledgment of these doubts adds depth to her journey of self-discovery and resilience, central themes in her memoir.

“This may be the biggest problem with caring a lot about what others think: It can put you on the established path—the my-isn’t-that-impressive path—and keep you there for a long time. Maybe it stops you from swerving, from ever taking chances, because risking other people’s good opinion of you can feel too costly.”

Michelle reflects on the pressure of conforming to societal expectations and how the desire for external validation can prevent people from taking risks or exploring unconventional paths. In doing so, she critiques the “established path” as one that may offer approval but stifles true personal growth and authenticity. This moment is significant because it highlights a recurring struggle in her memoir: balancing the expectations of others with the pursuit of personal passions and self-fulfillment.

“Until now, I’d built my life carefully, as if folding a tight and airless piece of origami. I was proud of how it looked. But it was delicate. If one corner came untucked, I might discover that I was restless. If another popped loose, it might reveal that I was uncertain about the professional path I’d put myself on, about all the things I told myself I wanted.”

Michelle uses the metaphor of origami to symbolize the careful and precise way she constructs her life and career. This moment reveals her internal conflict between maintaining control and embracing the possibility of change, which is central to her journey of self-discovery throughout the memoir.

“This was another small difference between us: Barack could pour his heart out through a pen. He’d been raised on letters, in the form of wispy airmail envelopes from his mom in Indonesia. But I was an in-your-face sort of person—brought up on Sunday dinners at Southside’s, where you sometimes had to shout to be heard.”

Michelle contrasts her and Barack's communication styles, reflecting on how their different upbringings shaped their approaches to expressing emotions. Michelle’s emphasis on direct, vocal communication, rooted in her family traditions, contrasts with Barack’s preference for thoughtful, written correspondence. This difference highlights the broader theme of how their distinct backgrounds complement each other, adding depth to their relationship while also revealing the challenges they navigate as a couple.

“The first thing was that I hated being a lawyer. I wasn’t suited to the work. I felt empty doing it, even if I was plenty good at it. This was a distressing thing to admit, given how hard I’d worked and how in debt I was.”

Michelle reflects on her growing dissatisfaction with her career as a lawyer, acknowledging the conflict between her external achievements and her internal sense of fulfillment. This moment highlights the broader theme of self-discovery and the courage it takes to confront uncomfortable truths about one’s life choices, even when they’ve resulted in professional success. Michelle’s journey toward finding work that aligns with her true passions begins here, signaling a significant moment in her personal and professional arc.

“Losing my dad made me feel that there was no time to sit around and wonder how my life should go. My dad was just fifty-five when he died. Suzanne had been twenty-six. The lesson there was simple: Life is short and not to be wasted.”

Michelle references her father’s death and her friend Suzanne’s passing to explain the impact of those losses on her perspective toward her own life. These losses become a catalyst for her to take decisive action, prompting her to reevaluate her priorities and push herself to seek more meaning and purpose. This moment highlights a recurring theme in her memoir—the urgency of living authentically and making choices that align with one’s true values, rather than merely following societal expectations or traditional paths.

“Barack flew to Bali and spent about five weeks living alone with his thoughts while working on his book Dreams from My Father, filling yellow legal pads with his neat handwriting, thinking through his ideas during daily walks amid the coconut palms and lapping ocean tide. I stayed home on Euclid Avenue, living upstairs from my mom as another Chicago winter hit. I kept myself busy, seeing friends and hitting workout classes in the evenings.”

Michelle centers The Role of Family in her life as she explores the challenges of navigating her marriage with Barack, particularly as they adapt to the differing needs and lifestyles that come with their individual goals. She reflects on the physical and emotional distance that arises from Barack’s decision to finish his book in Bali, juxtaposing it with her own experience of staying home and maintaining a routine. This passage highlights the challenges of balancing personal ambitions and shared life in her marriage, emphasizing how their relationship evolves through periods of separation and mutual support.

“For the first time in my life, I felt I was doing something meaningful, directly impacting the lives of others. It felt good to stay connected to both my city and my culture.”

Michelle positions the fulfillment she experiences in her new role at Public Allies, where she feels a deep connection to her community and culture as a critical moment in her personal arc. This moment marks a significant shift in her career, moving from corporate law to nonprofit work, which she finds more aligned with her values. The excerpt reflects a central theme in the memoir: the search for purpose and the importance of work that resonates with one’s identity and community. Michelle’s journey highlights the joy and fulfillment that come from engaging in work that has a direct, positive impact on others, a pursuit that deeply connects her to her roots and provides a sense of meaning in her life.

“But then came a call from Susan Sher, my former mentor and colleague at city hall who now had a big job at the University of Chicago Medical Center. The center had made improving community outreach a top priority. They were looking to hire an executive director for community affairs, a job that seemed almost custom-made for me. Was I interested in interviewing?”

This excerpt highlights another turning point in Michelle’s life as she faces a pivotal career decision. The call from Susan Sher offers her an opportunity that aligns with her professional skills and passion for community work. This moment emphasizes Michelle’s ongoing struggle to balance her career ambitions with her responsibilities as a mother and wife. The potential role at the University of Chicago Medical Center represents a chance for her to make a significant impact in her community, but it also challenges her to consider how this new role will fit into her already complex life. This decision reflects the broader theme of Balancing Personal and Professional Life, a recurring struggle that Michelle deals with throughout her journey.

“And so, with the support of our friends, we’d made a deal. Valerie Jarrett agreed to be the finance chair for Barack’s Senate campaign. A number of our friends agreed to donate time and money to the effort. I signed off on all of it, with one condition, repeated out loud so that everyone could hear it: If he lost, he’d move on from politics altogether and find a different sort of job. If it didn’t work out on Election Day, this would be the end. Really and for real, this would be the end.”

Michelle lays out the condition she set for Barack’s Senate run, reflecting her deep ambivalence about his political career and the impact it could have on their family. Her repetition of “this would be the end” highlights the seriousness of her concerns and her desire for a clear boundary if things don’t go as planned. This moment reveals the balance she consistently works to strike between supporting her husband’s ambitions and protecting her family’s well-being, illustrating the emotional weight and personal stakes involved in their decisions during this pivotal time.

“I had fifteen thousand more reasons to want Barack to win. I was fully committed now. Our whole family was committed, even if it felt a little scary. I couldn’t yet begin to imagine what lay ahead. But there we were—out there—the four of us standing before the crowd and the cameras, in our coats and a slightly too big pink hat on a tiny head.”

Michelle captures the moment when she and her family became fully committed to Barack’s presidential campaign, providing specific sensory details that frame an iconic, public moment through a personal lens. The overwhelming support from the crowd solidified her resolve, but it also introduced a sense of fear and uncertainty about the journey ahead. Her vivid description of the scene, including the detail of Sasha’s oversized pink hat, reflects the personal sacrifices and emotional weight of entering the national spotlight as a family. Michelle’s acknowledgment of their commitment, despite the fear of the unknown, illustrates the blend of hope and anxiety that defines their early campaign days.

“I was exhausted by the meanness, thrown off by how personal it had become, and feeling, too, as if there were no way I could quit.”

Michelle captures the emotional toll of public life during her husband’s presidential campaign, reflecting on the deep exhaustion and hurt caused by relentless personal attacks and negative portrayals in the media. This moment highlights her vulnerability, revealing the struggle to maintain her identity and self-worth amid the harsh scrutiny and pressures of being in the public eye. Michelle’s honesty about her emotional state adds depth to the narrative, illustrating the personal sacrifices and challenges she faces during this intense period.

“It was exactly ten o’clock when the networks began to flash pictures of my smiling husband, declaring that Barack Hussein Obama would become the forty-fourth president of the United States. We all leaped to our feet and started yelling. Our campaign staff streamed into the room, as did the Bidens, everyone hugging. He had done it. We’d all done it. It hardly seemed possible, but the victory was sound.”

Within the context of Michelle’s memoir, the monumental moment when Barack is declared the 44th President of the United States takes on a layer of deeply personal, narrative resonance. Michelle highlights the culmination of years of effort, sacrifices, and hope in this single moment of victory. The scene is filled with raw emotion, joy, and disbelief, symbolizing not just a political triumph, but a historic milestone for their family and the nation. Michelle’s reflection on the significance of this achievement highlights the sense of collective accomplishment and the weight of the journey that brings them to this point.

“I knew that I’d be happiest if I could actively work toward achieving measurable results. I intended to make good on the promises I’d made to support military families I’d met while campaigning. And then there were my ideas for planting a garden and working to improve children’s health and nutrition.”

Michelle conveys her determination to use her platform as First Lady to make a tangible impact. She focuses on setting clear, actionable goals, such as supporting military families and improving children’s health and nutrition, illustrating her proactive approach to the role and her desire to contribute meaningfully rather than just filling a ceremonial position. Her mention of specific initiatives underscores her commitment to making a difference in ways consistent with the values she highlights throughout the memoir, shaping her identity as First Lady around purposeful action and community service.

“I tried, in my way, to loosen the formalities of the place. I made it clear to the housekeeping staff that our girls would make their own beds every morning. I told Malia and Sasha to act as they’d always acted—to be polite and gracious and to not ask for anything more than what they absolutely needed or couldn’t get for themselves.”

Michelle reveals her determination to maintain a sense of normalcy and humility for her daughters despite living in the highly formal and prestigious environment of the White House. By encouraging Malia and Sasha to continue making their own beds and to remain self-sufficient, she emphasizes the importance of staying grounded and not becoming overly reliant on the privileges that come with their new life. This effort reflects her commitment to instilling values of responsibility, independence, and empathy in her children, even in the face of extraordinary circumstances.

“I knew that the way we introduced our initiatives would matter, my communications team worked to make the campaign look fun. All the while, Barack’s staff was apparently fretting about my plans, worried I’d come off as a know-it-all at a time when Americans were suspicious of anything that looked like the government was telling them what to do.”

Michelle discusses the careful balancing act required in her role as First Lady, particularly in launching public initiatives like “Let’s Move!” The need to make the campaign engaging and accessible while being mindful of public perception highlights the tension between her genuine desire to create positive change and the political challenges of appearing overly authoritative or prescriptive, especially in a climate of skepticism toward government intervention. The excerpt reveals Michelle’s awareness of the complexities of her role and the importance of strategic communication in achieving her goals.

“I continued to feel as if we were falling backward, our whole family in a giant trust fall. I had confidence in all the support we had in the White House, but still I could feel vulnerable, knowing that everything from the safety of our daughters to the planning of my movements lay almost entirely in the hands of other people.”

Michelle explores the tension between trust and vulnerability through the First Family’s experiences in the White House. Despite the immense support system in place, she grapples with the loss of personal control, particularly over her family’s safety. This passage reflects the emotional challenges of living under constant security and public scrutiny, revealing the paradox of feeling protected yet powerless. Michelle’s use of the “giant trust fall” metaphor conveys the ongoing surrender to forces beyond her control, highlighting the psychological and emotional complexities of her role as First Lady.

“I carried a history with me, and it wasn’t that of presidents or First Ladies. I’d never related to the story of John Quincy Adams the way I did to that of Sojourner Truth, or been moved by Woodrow Wilson the way I was by Harriet Tubman.”

Michelle frames the personal and cultural legacy she carries as rooted in the experiences of Black women who paved the way for her. By juxtaposing figures like Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman with former presidents, she highlights the significance of her role as the first Black First Lady and the responsibility she feels to honor the struggles of those who came before her. This passage highlights the importance of representation and the weight of history in shaping her sense of duty and identity.