Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

“LeDoux turns to the role of the amygdala in childhood to support what has long been a basic tenet of psychoanalytic thought: that the interactions of life’s earliest years lay down a set of emotional lessons based on the attunement and upsets in the contacts between infant and caretakers.”

Goleman underscores the neurological basis for the emotional imprints formed in early life and emphasizes the importance of early experiences in shaping emotional responses and behaviors later in life by connecting LeDoux’s research on the amygdala with psychoanalytic ideas. The reference to “attunement and upsets in the contacts between infant and caretakers” implies that the emotional lessons imprinted in childhood are influenced by the quality of emotional connection or discord between a child and their caregivers. This aligns with the broader theme in Goleman’s book of emphasizing the significance of emotional intelligence and early emotional experiences in human development.

“Emotional hijackings presumably involve two dynamics: triggering of the amygdala and a failure to activate the neocortical processes that usually keep emotional response in balance—or a recruitment of the neocortical zones to the emotional urgency.”

Goleman suggests that emotional hijackings occur when the emotional brain, particularly the amygdala, takes control before the thinking brain (neocortex) has a chance to process the situation fully. This lack of neocortical involvement or its inappropriate recruitment contributes to impulsive and often disproportionate emotional responses. This illustrates the interplay between the emotional and rational aspects of the brain in shaping behavior and reactions.

“There are widespread exceptions to the rule that IQ predicts success—many (or more) exceptions than cases that fit the rule. At best, IQ contributes about 20 percent to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80 percent to other forces. As one observer notes, the vast majority of one’s ultimate niche in society is determined by non-IQ factors, ranging from social class to luck.”

Goleman asserts that there are numerous exceptions to the notion that high IQ guarantees success and suggests that IQ contributes only about 20% to the factors determining life success. Goleman argues that the remaining 80% is influenced by various non-IQ factors such as social class and luck. By presenting this perspective, he emphasizes the multifaceted nature of success and implies that emotional intelligence, as discussed in the book, plays a significant role in the factors beyond IQ that contribute to overall life success, reiterating the theme of The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Personal and Professional Success.

“The clinical features that mark alexithymics include having difficulty describing feelings—their own or anyone else’s—and a sharply limited emotional vocabulary.10 What’s more, they have trouble discriminating among emotions as well as between emotion and bodily sensation, so that they might tell of having butterflies in the stomach, palpitations, sweating, and dizziness—but they would not know they are feeling anxious.”

Goleman discusses the clinical features of alexithymia, a condition characterized by individuals having difficulty describing and recognizing emotions both in themselves and others. He highlights two key aspects: a limited emotional vocabulary and a struggle to discriminate between different emotions or distinguish emotions from bodily sensations. This illustrates the challenges faced by alexithymics in understanding and expressing their emotional experiences, which highlights the importance of emotional awareness and vocabulary in comprehending and communicating feelings.

“But once that reaction is brought into awareness—once it registers in the cortex—he can evaluate things anew, decide to shrug off the feelings left earlier in the day, and change his outlook and mood. In this way emotional self-awareness is the building block of the next fundamental of emotional intelligence: being able to shake off a bad mood.”

Goleman discusses the role of emotional self-awareness as a foundational element of emotional intelligence. He explains that once an emotional reaction is consciously recognized and brought into the cortex, an individual gains the ability to evaluate and reconsider their emotional state. By emphasizing the significance of this self-awareness, Goleman suggests that it serves as the basis for the subsequent aspect of emotional intelligence—being able to effectively shift and overcome negative moods. The passage underscores the idea that understanding one’s emotions is a prerequisite for actively managing and altering one’s emotional outlook, which contributes to overall emotional well-being.

“Zillmann sees escalating anger as a sequence of provocations, each triggering an excitatory reaction that dissipates slowly.”

Goleman is referencing Zillmann’s perspective on the escalation of anger as a series of provocations, each causing an excitatory reaction that dissipates gradually. This suggests that anger builds up in a step-by-step manner, with each provocation contributing to the intensification of the emotional response. Goleman likely uses this insight to underscore the importance of understanding the dynamics of anger and how emotional reactions can unfold in a sequential manner. The reference to Zillmann’s model contributes to Goleman’s broader exploration of emotional intelligence and the ability to manage one’s emotions effectively.

“Optimism, like hope, means having a strong expectation that, in general, things will turn out all right in life, despite setbacks and frustrations. From the standpoint of emotional intelligence, optimism is an attitude that buffers people against falling into apathy, hopelessness, or depression in the face of tough going.”

Goleman discusses optimism as an essential component of emotional intelligence. He defines optimism as the strong expectation that, overall, things will turn out well in life despite challenges. From an emotional intelligence perspective, optimism serves as a crucial attitude that acts as a buffer against succumbing to apathy, hopelessness, or depression when facing difficulties. Goleman emphasizes the role of optimism in maintaining a positive outlook and resilience in the face of adversity.

“Empathy builds on self-awareness; the more open we are to our own emotions, the more skilled we will be in reading feelings. 1 Alexithymics like Gary, who have no idea what they feel themselves, are at a complete loss when it comes to knowing what anyone else around them is feeling. They are emotionally tone-deaf.” 

Goleman discusses the connection between empathy and self-awareness in the context of emotional intelligence. He asserts that empathy is built on a foundation of self-awareness, suggesting that being open to one’s own emotions enhances the ability to accurately perceive and understand the feelings of others. Goleman uses the term “alexithymics” to refer to emotionally bland surgeon Gary and similar individuals who struggle to identify and articulate their own emotions and face challenges in recognizing and comprehending the emotions of those around them.

“Attunement occurs tacitly, as part of the rhythm of relationship. Stern has studied it with microscopic precision through videotaping hours of mothers with their infants. He finds that through attunement mothers let their infants know they have a sense of what the infant is feeling.”

In this passage, Goleman discusses the concept of “attunement” in the context of parent-infant relationships. He refers to the work of Stern, who studied attunement by closely observing mothers interacting with their infants. Goleman explains that attunement is a subtle and non-verbal process where mothers, through the rhythm of their relationship with infants, convey an understanding of the infant’s emotions.

“A study of criminals who committed the cruelest and most violent crimes found that the one characteristic of their early lives that set them apart from other criminals was that they had been shuttled from foster home to foster home, or raised in orphanages—life histories that suggest emotional neglect and little opportunity for attunement.” 

Here, Goleman refers to a study on criminals who committed cruel and violent crimes. The study found that a distinguishing characteristic in the early lives of these criminals was a pattern of being moved from foster home to foster home or being raised in orphanages. Goleman suggests that such life histories indicate emotional neglect and a lack of opportunity for attunement, which emphasizes the detrimental impact of disrupted attachment and emotional neglect on individuals and how they contribute to criminal behavior.

“A psychological fault line is common to rapists, child molesters, and many perpetrators of family violence alike: they are incapable of empathy. This inability to feel their victims’ pain allows them to tell themselves lies that encourage their crime.”

Goleman uses the term “psychological fault line” to describe an incapacity for empathy among rapists, child molesters, and many perpetrators of family violence. Goleman suggests that the inability to understand and feel their victims’ pain is a common trait among individuals engaged in such harmful behavior, which contributes to their distorted rationalization and justification of their crimes and facilitate the commission of violent acts.

“Most emotional contagion is far more subtle, part of a tacit exchange that happens in every encounter. We transmit and catch moods from each other in what amounts to a subterranean economy of the psyche in which some encounters are toxic, some nourishing.”

Goleman uses the term “emotional contagion” to refer to a subtle and often subconscious exchange that occurs in every human interaction. The term “subterranean” suggests that this emotional exchange happens beneath the surface, implying that it operates at a level not always immediately apparent or consciously acknowledged. Goleman addresses the idea that some encounters can be toxic, which may negatively impact one’s emotional state, while others can be nourishing and contribute positively to one’s mood.

“At that point Terry, who was in peak physical condition from daily eight-hour aikido workouts, felt called upon to intervene, lest someone get seriously hurt. But he recalled the words of his teacher: Aikido is the art of reconciliation. Whoever has the mind to fight has broken his connection with the universe. If you try to dominate people you are already defeated. We study how to resolve conflict, not how to start it.”

Goleman recounts an incident involving Terry, a practitioner of aikido, who refrained from engaging in a physical confrontation despite being in peak physical condition. Goleman highlights the teachings of Terry’s aikido teacher, emphasizing that the art focuses on resolving conflicts rather than initiating them. This anecdote illustrates the application of emotional intelligence principles, such as conflict resolution and non-confrontational approaches, in real-life situations.

“Flooded husbands or wives are so overwhelmed by their partner’s negativity and their own reaction to it that they are swamped by dreadful, out-of-control feelings. People who are flooded cannot hear without distortion or respond with clear-headedness; they find it hard to organize their thinking, and they tall back on primitive reactions.”

Goleman discusses the concept of being “flooded” in the context of interpersonal relationships, reiterating the theme of Emotional Intelligence Affecting Mental Health and Interpersonal Relationships. Being “flooded” refers to a state of emotional overwhelm, particularly in response to a partner’s negativity. Goleman explains that individuals experiencing this emotional flood become so inundated by intense feelings that their ability to hear and respond rationally is compromised. As a result, they may revert to these less controlled and more instinctive responses. This highlights the detrimental impact of emotional inundation on communication and relationship dynamics.

“One overall strategy for making a marriage work is not to concentrate on the specific issues—childrearing, sex, money, housework—that couples fight about, but rather to cultivate a couple’s shared emotional intelligence, thereby improving the chances of working things out.”

Goleman suggests that a key strategy for a successful marriage is to focus on cultivating a shared emotional intelligence between partners, rather than getting caught up in specific contentious issues. By emphasizing the development of emotional intelligence in the relationship, couples are better equipped to resolve disagreements and develop a deeper understanding of each other’s emotions. Goleman implies that a strong foundation in emotional intelligence contributes to a healthier and more resilient marital bond.

“The cockpit is a microcosm of any working organization. But lacking the dramatic reality check of an airplane crash, the destructive effects of miserable morale, intimidated workers, or arrogant bosses—or any of the dozens of other permutations of emotional deficiencies in the workplace—can go largely unnoticed by those outside the immediate scene.”

Goleman refers to the dynamics within a cockpit as a microcosm of any organization, reflecting the broader issues present in workplaces. He says that unlike the unmistakable consequences of a plane crash, the detrimental impacts of poor morale, intimidated employees, or overbearing leaders in the workplace may not receive the same attention from external observers. Goleman implies that emotional deficiencies within the professional environment, if left unaddressed, can lead to subtle yet significant negative outcomes, reinforcing the theme of The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Personal and Professional Success.

“Criticism is one of the most important tasks a manager has. Yet it’s also one of the most dreaded and put off. And, like the sarcastic vice president, too many managers have poorly mastered the crucial art of feedback.”

Goleman emphasizes the significance of criticism as a crucial managerial task and acknowledges its importance in the workplace. However, he notes that many managers, despite recognizing its importance, struggle with the skill of providing effective feedback. Goleman highlights the apprehension and avoidance that often accompany this managerial duty and underscores the need for managers to master the art of constructive criticism for the overall health and success of the organization.

“The problem is when medical personnel ignore how patients are reacting emotionally, even while attending to their physical condition. This inattention to the emotional reality of illness neglects a growing body of evidence showing that people’s emotional states can play a sometimes significant role in their vulnerability to disease and in the course of their recovery. Modern medical care too often lacks emotional intelligence.”

Goleman addresses a significant issue in modern medical care, highlighting the problem of medical personnel overlooking patients’ emotional well-being while focusing solely on their physical conditions. He argues that this neglect of the emotional dimension disregards compelling evidence demonstrating the impact of emotional states on vulnerability to disease and the recovery process. Goleman contends that integrating emotional intelligence into medical care is crucial and emphasizes the need for healthcare professionals to recognize and address patients’ emotional needs for comprehensive and effective treatment.

“Depression seems to pose a particularly grave medical risk for heart attack survivors.33 In a study of patients in a Montreal hospital who were discharged after being treated for a first heart attack, depressed patients had a sharply higher risk of dying within the following six months.”

Goleman discusses the serious medical risks associated with depression for heart attack survivors. He references a study conducted in a Montreal hospital, indicating that patients who experienced depression after being treated for a first heart attack faced a significantly higher risk of mortality within the following six months. Goleman highlights the interconnectedness of emotional and physical health and suggests that emotional well-being, specifically addressing conditions like depression, is a crucial factor in the overall health and recovery of individuals with heart-related issues.

“Seeing how the brain itself is shaped by brutality—or by love—suggests that childhood represents a special window of opportunity for emotional lessons. These battered children have had an early and steady diet of trauma.”

Goleman highlights the impact of early experiences, emphasizing that the brain’s development is influenced by both brutality and love during childhood. He suggests that childhood serves as a critical period for emotional learning and that children exposed to trauma or abuse experience a consistent and damaging influence on their emotional well-being. The statement underscores the long-lasting consequences of early emotional experiences on the shaping of the brain and emotional responses throughout life.

“In brain terms, we can speculate, the limbic circuitry would send alarm signals in response to cues of a feared event, but the prefrontal cortex and related zones would have learned a new, more healthy response. In short, emotional lessons—even the most deeply implanted habits of the heart learned in childhood—can be reshaped.”

Goleman suggests that, in terms of brain function, the limbic circuitry may initially respond with alarm to cues associated with a feared event. However, he proposes that the prefrontal cortex and related areas, through learning, can develop healthier and more adaptive responses over time. This implies that emotional lessons, even those ingrained in childhood, are not fixed but can be reshaped through intentional and positive experiences, which highlights the brain’s capacity for flexibility and emotional reprogramming.

“The encouraging news from Kagan’s studies is that not all fearful infants grow up hanging back from life—temperament is not destiny. The overexcitable amygdala can be tamed, with the right experiences. What makes the difference are the emotional lessons and responses children learn as they grow.”

Goleman discusses the findings from Kagan’s studies, suggesting that not all infants with a fearful temperament are destined to grow up to be overly reserved or anxious. He emphasizes that temperament does not determine one’s fate and that the overexcitable amygdala can be positively influenced with the right experiences. Goleman underscores the importance of emotional lessons and responses acquired during childhood and suggests that nurturing environments and positive emotional experiences can contribute to overcoming early temperamental predispositions.

“Each successive generation worldwide since the opening of the century has lived with a higher risk than their parents of suffering a major depression—not just sadness, but a paralyzing listlessness, dejection, and self-pity, and an overwhelming hopelessness—over the course of life.”

Goleman discusses a global trend where each successive generation faces an increased risk of experiencing major depression compared to their predecessors. He attributes this phenomenon to various factors, including changes in family structures, growing parental indifference, and the decline of communal support systems. Goleman points out that even mild episodes of depression in childhood can lead to more severe episodes later in life, challenging the notion that children simply “grow out of it.” He underscores the long-term impact of depression on social skills, academic performance, and overall well-being.