72 pages • 2 hours read
History is All You Left Me
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Symbols & Motifs
Theo’s Hoodie
In the novel’s early chapters, the significance of Theo McIntire’s hoodie to Griffin Jennings is established through Griffin’s refusal to remove it in the “Today” chapters and his intimate memories attached to it in the “History” chapters. In Chapter 3, Griffin explains, “I’ve been wearing it for the past two days—more, exactly fifty hours” (18). Griffin continues wearing Theo’s hoodie daily as he struggles through his grief. For Griffin, the hoodie represents Theo, but on a broader scale, it represents Griffin’s attachment to Theo.
As Griffin navigates his grief and the Theo-shaped void in his life, he clings to Theo’s hoodie as a comfort object. He wears it throughout his time in New York with Jackson Wright. However, once they fly to California, Griffin begins to loosen his grip on the hoodie. In the bright California sun, Griffin explains, “I shield my eyes with your bunched up hoodie” (188), indicating he’s removed Theo’s hoodie from his body but still brought it with him to California. This subtle change shows how Griffin is beginning to lose his attachment to Theo as time goes on.
Griffin abandons Theo’s hoodie in his dresser once he’s back in New York. He wears one of his sweaters to his first therapy appointment. This gesture symbolizes Griffin’s desire to move on from his attachment to Theo. In the final chapter, as Griffin visits Theo’s grave, he leaves Theo’s hoodie at the grave, expressing, “I don’t think it’s right for me to keep this around anymore” (290). During this same ‘conversation’ with Theo, Griffin explains how he wants to try to move forward with Wade Church and not keep holding onto pieces of Theo that are gone. By leaving Theo’s hoodie behind, Griffin shows he is ready to let go of Theo. The symbolism of Theo’s hoodie and the changes in how Griffin interacts with it help develop the overall theme of Grief and Moving On by providing a physical representation of Griffin’s willingness to let go of Theo over time.
Puzzles
Jigsaw puzzles are one of Theo and Griffin’s favorite pastimes, but the puzzle imagery also symbolizes the building of relationships. This starts in Chapter 2, when Griffin explains that Theo befriended him at recess by asking for help with a puzzle. Griffin explains, “We didn’t get very far with the puzzle that day, but we’ve been tight ever since” (3), showing how the act of building a puzzle initiated their association. Griffin also gifts Theo a puzzle later in the chapter, shortly before they decide to become boyfriends.
Griffin uses puzzle imagery to describe the different kinds of relationships he has and observes. When he’s faced with Jackson for the first time, he narrates, “[Jackson] has pieces of your puzzle that would destroy me if I ever had to put them together, and yet I still want them” (38). Griffin is saying that he knows Theo has built a relationship with Jackson, but he still wants to know every detail, even though it hurts. He’s curious about Theo and Jackson’s dynamic because he knows people build different puzzles with different people.
The portrait Wade gives Griffin of Griffin and Theo’s faces pieced together like a puzzle is a physical representation of Griffin and Theo’s relationship. Griffin explains, “It’s a portrait and a puzzle” (124). The combination of puzzle imagery with Griffin and Theo’s relationship solidifies the symbolic link between puzzles and relationships.
At the end of the novel, Griffin explains to Theo that as he moves on with Wade, he worries about “reaching for the you-shaped pieces” (289). Griffin doesn’t want to “be left with a puzzle that’s half your face and half someone else’s (289). This is a metaphor for Griffin accidentally projecting parts of his relationship with Theo onto his future relationships, which he wishes to avoid. The puzzle symbolism helps to communicate the idea that relationships must be built from pieces of oneself, not pieces of another.
Storms
Storm imagery is featured in the chapters on New Year’s Eve 2014 and 2015, and both times it is used to symbolize the risks and dangers that come with the exhilaration of a new relationship. In Chapter 16, Griffin explains that coming together with Theo “was sort of like getting caught in a thunderstorm” (125). He explains that storms can bring bad things, like power outages and property damage, but “other times the thunder is a soundtrack to something unpredictable, something that gets our hearts racing and wakes us up” (125). Griffin feels good in his relationship with Theo, even though Theo may get into Santa Monica College and leave next year. He expresses, “I can’t predict what will happen this year, but I’m okay with more thunderstorms” (127). This represents how Griffin is ready for whatever risk his deep feelings for Theo may bring, even if it means living through a long-distance relationship.
However, in Chapter 22, the storm symbol returns, this time with lightning. Griffin says that last year, he “thought a lot of nonsense about storms being awesome. Then an actual storm brought Theo and Jackson together. I also didn’t really account for lightning, which feels like it’s struck over and over” (204). Griffin goes on to describe how lightning has struck at every stage of Theo getting into college and meeting Jackson. These are all painful events for Griffin as he saw himself losing Theo from the very beginning. Here, storms symbolize the risk of being so vulnerable in love, and lightning is the pain that one risks.
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