Know My Name: A Memoir

Chapter 4 follows Miller as she moves to Rhode Island for the summer—a decision that demonstrates her growing independence. She feels compelled to live alone and become reliant upon herself. Although she struggles through her deepening depression, she finds empowerment in this decision. Away from the protection of her family and boyfriend, Miller acts according to her own will and desire. As a survivor of sexual assault, Miller seeks to empower herself as she grows increasingly aware of the power society and men wield over her and all women.

Miller chooses the Rhode Island School of Design to pursue art. Throughout her memoir, she relies upon art and writing to escape from her surroundings and channel her often turbulent emotions. As she learns about printmaking and initially struggles at it, Miller begins to teach herself “to ask for help” and finds that “in return beautiful things were happening” (78). She also begins to socialize and connect with those around her, something with which she has struggled since her sexual assault.

Miller continues to recognize the undue burden society places on women. As she walks extensively, she notices the catcalling she is forced to endure daily. She documents the relentless nature of these remarks on her and her body both in writing and on video. She grows increasingly frustrated by the ways in which she and all women must accommodate men. In her argument with Lucas, she calls out his privilege in choosing not to engage with the videos of harassment that she sends him. She retorts, “It doesn’t matter what I do, it doesn’t matter what I wear, how I act, it’s constant, the harassment is constant” (82). She reaches her breaking point and lashes out in frustration at having to adhere to the demands and inappropriate behavior of men. She reacts aggressively and acknowledges the potential danger of her actions alone late at night. After this incident, she describes a peaceful encounter with an old man who offers a bell pepper. She accepts his offering and tells herself, “You are allowed to be cautious but you don’t always have to be afraid” (86). Her use of second person extends this statement to women in general.

Miller grows increasingly anxious over the reality of having to face her assailant in court and unveil her anonymity. She genuinely fears retaliation from Turner. She recalls her firsthand knowledge of such retaliation as she describes the school shooting at her college in her senior year. Her experiences as a witness to the fatal retaliation of Elliot Rodger intensify her anxiety. She incorporates lines from Rodger’s manifesto, which blames women for his deadly actions. Using Rodger’s manifesto, Miller comments on society’s dehumanization and objectification of women. She notes how, “[I]n Elliot’s world, the unspoken law was that women owed him sex, we existed only to receive him. Those were the rules, that was our purpose. Sex was his right and our responsibility” (90). This view of women culminates in the violence of her own assault and the murder of her classmates. Miller therefore desires Turner to take accountability with jail time and to reform his behavior. Miller believes such reform could possibly prevent what happened at Santa Barbara and Stanford from happening again.

Miller grows during her time in Rhode Island. She reconnects with herself as an artist and begins to find her voice. Miller portrays this clearly in the final pages of Chapter 4, when she describes another confrontation with a man who harasses her and her friends on the last night of class. She unleashes her frustration in a scream. The women chase the men in a reversal of roles. Unlike her earlier confrontation, Miller is no longer alone and stops herself when she notices “the way one of the men glare[s] at [her]” (95). No longer afraid of her own voice and emotions, Miller also maintains a sense of safety that protects herself and her friends.