Mrs. Everything

“Jo wrapped her arms around her mother’s waist, feeling the stiffness underneath the starch of Sarah’s best red dress, the one with a full skirt flaring out from her narrow waist and three big white buttons on either side of the bodice. A smart red hat with a black ribbon band sat on top of Sarah’s curls. Her mother put her arm around Jo’s shoulders and squeezed, and Jo felt like someone had pulled a blanket up to her chin, or like she was swimming in Lake Erie, where they went in the summertime, and had just paddled into a patch of warm water.”

The symbols of fashion and appearance emerge in the starting chapter through Sarah’s descriptions, which focus on her attire. Characterization and feelings are also well-described with the metaphor of Jo experiencing warmth when her no-nonsense mother shows rare affection.

“Jo had gotten in a fight because a boy had told her that the Jews killed Jesus. Bethie figured her mother would be mad at Jo for fighting, but instead her mouth had gotten tight, and she’d said, ‘The Romans killed Jesus, not the Jews. Tell your little friend that.’ Then she’d told Bethie and Jo about how kids had teased her when she was little. Jo had pestered her for details [...] but Sarah would only shake her head and say, ‘It was a long time ago.’”

Jo’s bold, physically tough character develops with this story about her fighting discrimination. Though she rarely connects with Jo, Sarah firmly believes in fighting anti-Semitism, connecting the ideas of social justice to religious persecution—along with intolerance against gay people and Black people.

Her father didn’t mind Jo’s short hair or her loud voice or her dungarees and her droopy socks, or how Jo’s feet were already almost as big as Sarah’s and that she’d outgrown her school shoes twice the year before. He didn’t care that she was messy or forgetful, or that she was costing them a fortune in late fees at the public library, or that she preferred Gunsmoke to I Love Lucy or The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, or that her favorite times were racing through the backyard with Frieda, playing Cowboys and Indians, taking turns shooting at each other with the air gun…

[...] Mom hates me, Jo would think, but even that didn’t hurt so much, because her father loved her, and she could carry his love, like a glowing coal in the center of her chest, feeling its warmth even in the face of her mother’s fury.”

Jo’s admiration and love for her father is palpable in the sections where she explains how he accepts her for who she is and sees her talents and flaws as beautiful, unlike her mother, who wants her to be conventionally ladylike. The imagery of Jo holding her father’s love in her chest like a glowing coal not only shows their bond and mutual love but also amplifies her grief when she loses him.

“Had Carla, the camp counselor, kissed Lynnette? I’ll kill her, Jo thought, feeling jealousy fighting with desire, and both of them at war with shame, because she wasn’t supposed to be feeling this way about her best friend, or any girl at all.”

Sexual Orientation and Societal Pressure are fundamental themes, as shown by Jo’s sexual awakening with her first love, Lynnette, and her fierce jealousy when thinking the counselor may have had a romantic interaction with her. Jo tries to suppress her growing romantic, intimate feelings, but she ultimately cannot hide her longing for Lynnette and accepts she’s not heterosexual.

“I am a girl whose father died, she thought, trying on the identity like a new pair of shoes. When she’d fall down on her roller skates, her father was the one who’d dab hydrogen peroxide on her scrapes. When her fingernails needed cutting, her father would pull her onto his lap and clip them. When she was naughty, he’d spank her—a poch on the tuchis, as he said—but even his spanks were almost gentle; and while Jo was usually the one who went on drives with him, every few weeks he’d bring home a special treat for Bethie, a chocolate tart or a slice of bumpy cake.”

Bethie is also close to her father, but their relationship is different from Jo and Ken’s relationship. In this excerpt, Bethie associates her father’s love with his small acts of care for her whereas Jo’s memories of her father’s love focus on his understanding and appreciation of her uniqueness. Ken loves each of his daughters in the way that meets their emotional needs, unlike Sarah, who expresses her love through limited and narrow ways that reflect her emotional limitations rather than the emotional needs of her daughters.

“[S]cooping and eating and scooping and eating and scooping and eating some more, the spoon moving faster as the dough warmed up, filling her mouth with the cloying sweetness of sugar and chocolate, swallowing in breathless gulps, trying to cram herself so full that there would be no room left for her confusion or her rage or her shame.”

The use of repetition matches Bethie’s inability to stop herself from overeating after the sexual assault by Uncle Mel. The use of food descriptions like “cloying” and “breathless gulps” mirrors Uncle Mel’s abusive interactions with Bethie. Listing her emotions through the imagery of food gives voice to her trauma when she cannot articulate that trauma any other way.

“After Bethie told Jo everything, Jo’s lips turned white around the edges and she started walking like she couldn’t keep still. I’ll kill him, she kept saying. I’ll kill him. [...] Bethie was the one who calmed her down… [...] He’d just say that he was comforting me, or that I was misinterpreting things, Bethie said. And Mom needs the money. [...] Jo paced, and glared, and told her, We have to come up with a plan. We need to get him to leave you alone.”

Jo and Bethie’s Bonds of Sisterhood are apparent in this scene, as Bethie feels comfortable enough confiding in Jo, and her sister instantly goes into protective, vengeful mode. Jo is furious but not rash, as they both reasonably know they need the money. Jo will do anything to help and protect Bethie, showing her fierce loyalty and inventiveness to stop Uncle Mel.

“The idea of turning down Bobby Carver’s marriage proposal and running away with Jo would be as alien to [Lynnette] as planning to live on the moon.”

The theme of Sexual Orientation and Societal Pressure is clear in Lynnette’s fear of being with Jo. Logically, Jo cannot persuade Lynnie to choose her over a man, knowing she’ll face a life of hardship she would never consider, as explained in this simile.

“Beauty was power, and Bethie wanted her power back.”

Bethie’s ongoing struggle with her eating disorder, from overeating to becoming anorexic and bulimic, connects to her desire to be conventionally attractive. Beauty is power to Bethie because it gives her confidence, attention, and a way to fit in.

“She felt wonderful, her body loose and relaxed, like she’d moved out of her head and entirely into her skin, where she didn’t have to worry about her mother, or her future, or how much it would hurt when things with Lynnette were over.”

Sexuality and sensual pleasure are important to Jo because they give her a connection to another person and validate her identity. Jo realizes Lynnette won’t be with her forever, but she brushes all her problems aside to focus on the present delight of making love, revealing her ability to compartmentalize and fully experience her desires.

“Sarah [...] looked at Jo searchingly. Her expression wasn’t angry, just puzzled, like Jo was an exotic animal, some ungainly, awkward creature, an ostrich or a giraffe that had folded itself through the front door and sat down at the table, and Sarah was wondering what to feed it, or how to make it disappear.

‘You think I’m mean,’ Sarah finally said. ‘But all I want is for you to be happy. I want you to find a man who loves you like your father loved me. I want you to have children. To have a regular life.’

‘Maybe I don’t want regular,’ said Jo.”

Sarah’s motherly love isn’t shown in the typical ways as she struggles to find empathy or understand her daughter’s sexuality. After a major conflict and calling Jo “unnatural,” she still looks at Jo as if she’s exotic; Weiner uses the metaphor to demonstrate that Sarah doesn’t understand Jo and that they have different ideals and goals for her life. Jo is also courageous to admit to her mom she’s a lesbian. Sarah wants Jo to be happy and sees no path to happiness without a traditional marriage and family.

“[Devon] reached down and set his hand on Bethie’s girdled hip, drawing her close, as if he had a right to her body, as if he’d known her forever.”

Devon’s apparent sense that he has a right to Bethie’s body is another reminder that women couldn’t expect bodily autonomy at the time. He’s the second man to use Bethie as he pleases; her later rape is the third instance where her body is not her own. Reclaiming that personal autonomy later becomes important to Bethie and likely undergirds her feminist activism, which seeks to empower women so they aren’t possessed or used as she has been.

“‘How could you do this?’ Sarah’s voice rang out, loud and angry and hurt, and Bethie wanted to explain, she wanted to say that this wasn’t something she’d done, that it was something that had been done to her, and that she was still her mother’s good girl.”

Bethie’s rape is a life-changing trauma. When Sarah won’t listen to Bethie and instead blames and judges her for a situation she didn’t control or consent to, it’s evident that she holds women to a different standard that makes them responsible for men’s actions as well as their own. Despite her mother’s judgment, Bethie still wants to please her mother, to become her perfect little girl again, because her mother’s approval validated her.

“She imagined that each bill in the fat stack represented a different city, a day or two that Jo could have been somewhere else. She imagined stretching out her hand, grabbing the money, driving Jo to the airport and telling her, Go. But then what? She couldn’t imagine past that point. [...] How would she manage, alone with a baby?”

The scene before Bethie’s hotel-room abortion demonstrates the extent of Bethie and Jo’s Bonds of Sisterhood. Bethie doesn’t want Jo to lose out on her dream to travel the world because of her, but she recognizes her limitations and is grateful for Jo’s sacrifice.

“‘Whatever happened before, whoever you were with, that doesn’t matter now. We’re a team. Get it?’ [Dave] shifted so that he could look into her eyes, and Jo nodded, feeling grateful for this possibility, for the ease with which this door had swung open, revealing another world. [...] He had a black velvet box in his jacket pocket. [... W]hen he asked, ‘Will you?’ Josette Kaufman told him, ‘I will.’”

Dave is in love with Jo and doesn’t care that she’s been with women before; he’s dedicated to her and their future together. This excerpt demonstrates that even strong Jo has limitations to her strength, and she’s grateful that she can have a life that may be less difficult. It’s a turning point for Jo, who will pay a price for relinquishing her authenticity.

“A body was just a body, just a vessel for her soul, and [Bethie] was under no obligation to keep her body looking any certain way, no more than she was obliged to do anything just because it was customary, or traditional, or expected of women in America. She didn’t have to get married, she didn’t have to have kids, and she didn’t have to be thin.”

Bethie is liberated by the idea that she can reject society’s expectations and live more authentically. It’s easier for Bethie than it is for Jo to select the unconventional path because she’s a straight woman, and her choice is to marry or not to marry a man.

“[S]ometimes she felt as if she’d stolen her sister’s life.”

At the women’s commune, Bethie feels as if, after her trials, she’s stolen Jo’s life. Her guilt and surprise at the circumstances of her life living on the women’s commune show that she is capable of introspection and adds to her sense of indebtedness to Jo.

“After all of her years of wandering and her symbolic rebirth, she had found her way to happiness, a life that left her fulfilled and connected—to the earth, to other women, to her country, to justice, to the world around her. [... S]he’d found her place in the struggle, for civil rights and women’s rights, for a world with no nukes and no wars, where every child was a wanted child and where abortion was legal and safe. Her life had meaning.”

Bethie grows into her feminism, awareness, and nonconformity, fighting for important issues to effect positive change. Her thoughts show her character transformation from being lost with drugs and her traumas into finding happiness and fulfillment. She has turned her attention from her internal trauma to the external world and turned that energy into a positive force.

“‘I think you love who you love,’ [Harold] said.”

Themes of equality for all, sexuality, and romance are shown in Harold’s speech to Bethie about the unfairness they will face if they decide to be together. Love cannot be controlled, but it doesn’t mean gay people like Jo, or a Black person like Harold loving a white person like Bethie, won’t face critiques for what were then considered unconventional lifestyles.

“All I’m saying is that your mother is going to love you no matter what you do, because you are hers.”

Bethie explaining motherly love to Lila highlights the saving grace of Jo’s life choices: her children. Jo finds contentment and satisfaction in her otherwise unfulfilling life through her three daughters, whom she loves unconditionally. Bethie’s insight underscores her understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflict and the Bonds of Sisterhood. She is also changing the family dynamic of children trying to win a parent’s love through conformity to that parent’s dreams and desires, as she did with Sarah.

“Later, [Jo had] whispered, ‘Do you forgive me?’

‘For not running away with me?’ Shelley answered, plucking Jo’s thoughts from her head with that old, familiar ease. ‘Please. You had two babies. I don’t know what I was thinking. It was a fantasy.’

Jo had rolled onto her side, pulling Shelley close. ‘I’m here now.’”

Jo and Shelley take a winding path before they reunite and rekindle their love. Their similar paths of marrying men before finding their way back to each other reveal they never stopped loving each other, and that their connection (the “old, familiar ease”) is far deeper than either one had with her husband.

“Jo inhaled slowly, trying to think of all the time she’d had with her granddaughters, and not everything that she’d miss.”

Jo’s terminal cancer is another instance of loss, but she has the strength to focus on the positive, rather than the negative, in her reflections. Rather than wasting her remaining time, she cherishes the time left with her family and Shelley. Readers, who knew from the opening pages that Jo would die, have a sense that the story has come full circle.

“‘We lose ourselves,’ [Jo] repeated, forming each word with care, ‘but we find our way back.’ Wasn’t that the story of her life? Wasn’t that the story of Bethie’s? You make the wrong choices, you make mistakes, you disappear for a decade, you marry the wrong man. You get hurt. You lose sight of who you are, or of who you want to be, and then you remember, and if you’re lucky you have sisters or friends who remind you when you forget your best intentions. You come back to yourself, again and again. You try, and fail, and try again, and fail again.”

Jo’s speech to Missy reiterates several of the novel’s themes and passes on the wisdom she has learned over her life—mainly, perseverance, forgiveness, and authenticity. She doesn’t want Missy to be defined by her failures. For Jo, feminism is striving to discover your best self and relying on sisters and friends who can help you return to yourself when you’re lost.