Patina

Chapter 14 contains the emotional climax of the narrative, in which Patty finally gives into all the emotion that she has bottled up over the years since her father’s passing. Patty has spent much of the novel acting strong for those around her as an attempt to deal with the trauma of her childhood. When confronted with what could have happened to Momly and Maddy if the outcome of the accident had been different, Patty faces the fact that her childhood was not regular and mourns the loss of that childhood. She can no longer “keep it together” and in doing so she opens herself up to be able to truly process and begin healing (192). It’s poignant that the impetus for her emotional vulnerability is a game of pretend. Playing pretend with Uncle Tony allows Patty to relive a childhood that circumstance stole from her.

There is evidence of Patty’s healing at the end of Chapter 14. For much of the narrative, running has been something that Patty was devoted to, but only because it felt like a way to honor her father, or her mother, or as a promise to Maddy. Patty loves running, but it has not always been something she does for herself. In reading about Frida Kahlo’s childhood, her part of the project, she recalls that Kahlo took part in sports to strengthen her injured leg, but that it also strengthened her confidence. Patty relates to this: “A way to… sometimes even shut myself up. Just turn it all off. Leave everything, all the hurting stuff, the unregular stuff that seemed so regular to me, in the dust” (207). For the first time, Patty speaks about running as something that helps her and that she does solely for herself, rather than for or in relation to others.

After spending so much of the narrative questioning where she fits in and sacrificing for others, Patty has a robust support system for the day of her race. Patty reflects on this in the car to the race surrounded by those she loves: “These people. They were my constellation, or however Becca was saying it. The dots all connected” (220). The energy that Patty has put into others such as Ma and Maddy comes back to her as they both show up for the race in support of her. Patty no longer sees herself as an individual trying to hold everything together, but as one piece of a larger system.

This idea repeats one final time in the last chapter, which takes place at the race. Patty’s attitude in this race is meant to contrast the opening race of the novel. Patty is no longer racing alone, but with her 4 x 800 relay team, and despite her teammate dropping the baton, she doesn’t fly into a rage or give up. Her reaction shows that Patty has truly internalized Coach’s lesson: “Coach told me, no matter what, I couldn’t check out. I couldn’t leave my team hanging. They needed me. Not just my legs. But my support. My energy. We needed each other” (229).

The story ends on a cliffhanger during Patty’s leg of the race. This lack of traditional closure encourages a reading of the text that does not hinge on whether Patty wins the race. Leaving the ending open to interpretation places greater emphasis on what Patty has learned, rather than whether she will be rewarded with a win.