Spare

Prince Harry describes the British monarchy as “one very large, very ancient, very dysfunctional family” (399). His memoir illustrates the royal family’s commonalities with “ordinary” families, their differences, and how the unique pressures of being royal often intensify family conflict.

As the memoir’s title suggests, Prince Harry’s relationship with his older brother, Prince William, is central to the narrative. In recounting his competitiveness, arguments, and physical altercations with Prince William, the author could be describing the sibling rivalry in any family. However, the dynamic between the brothers is exacerbated by their royal roles as “Heir” and “Spare.” Resentments arise on both sides because Prince William has greater privileges, while Prince Harry faces fewer restrictions on his conduct.

Likewise, royal status complicates Prince Harry’s relationships with his father, stepmother, and grandmother. His hostility toward Camilla as “the Other Woman” (39) reflects children’s natural emotions when their parents separate. However, Harry’s resentment is heightened by his belief that Camilla is engaged in a publicity campaign “aimed at marriage and eventually the Crown” (40).

In Prince Harry’s relationship with his father, both struggle to connect because they have wildly different temperaments. However, a greater cause of antagonism is Prince Charles’s patriarchal role, requiring him to fund his adult sons and allocate their duties. When his father cuts off his royal funds, Prince Harry expresses profound frustration at how he was infantilized and then abandoned, declaring:

Pa didn’t financially support Willy and me, and our families, out of any largesse. That was his job […]. We agreed to […] surrender our autonomy, keep our hands and feet inside the gilded cage at all times, and in exchange the keepers of the cage agreed to feed and clothe us (319-20).

Similarly, as well as being his grandmother, the Queen is Prince Harry’s “Commander.” He requires her permission for everything from proposing marriage to where he’s allowed to live. The existence of their dual private and public roles inevitably places an emotional distance between family members.

Royal life dictates not only the physical distance between the royal family and the public but also among the members of the royal family. As an example of how the “buffer zone” extends to their private lives, Prince Harry notes how he often has the urge to hug his grandmother but knows that it’s “[o]ut of the question” (78) because protocol forbids it. The author humorously highlights his family’s lack of physical intimacy with one another when he describes the reactions of his brother and father when Harry returned from Afghanistan:

I think Willy hugged me. I think I gave Pa a kiss on each cheek. He might also have…squeezed my shoulder? It would’ve appeared […] a normal family gathering and interaction, but for us, it was a flamboyant, unprecedented demonstration of physical affection (153).