Still Life with Woodpecker

Gulietta is the daughter of a kitchen maid who was impregnated by Max’s father. When she was a child, her father gave her a document that officially stated his parentage, a copy of which was discovered by the revolutionaries.

Gulietta has known all these years that she is Max’s half-sister, but she never revealed it out of loyalty to her mother. When the revolutionaries asked her to be queen, however, she gladly accepted. During the coronation, no one notices the living frog she clutches in her hand. Her first act as queen is to open relations with Peru and Columbia in order to replenish her cocaine supply. The second is to ask the US president to pardon Bernard Mickey Wrangle.

Leigh-Cheri asks A’ben Fizel about the status of her pyramid before they have sex.

When Leigh-Cheri received Bernard’s letter, she was both angry and disappointed that he didn’t know her better. She resented the implication that she was responsible for the others who imprisoned themselves, as well as his condescension.

Over the years, the princess has noticed that when two people are in love, there is always one who loves more. She decides to always be the one who loves less. This decision, coupled with her desire to expand on her pyramid theory, leads her to an engagement with A’ben Fizel.

Leigh-Cheri convinces A’ben Fizel to build her a pyramid one-third the size of Giza, agreeing to marry him after it is complete. He amends their agreement to state that she would spend one night a week with him until then, and she agrees.

Sometimes Leigh-Cheri is conflicted about her engagement, feeling like she is trading herself, and her romantic ideals, for the pyramid. Most of the time, however, she is happy with what she is doing. When she looks out the window, she sees the pyramid being built in the distance, looking like the Camel pack. Her plan is to run a scientific research center focused on pyramidology. All in all, she is satisfied with her life and more than satisfied with her sex life with her fiancé.

The first time she and A’ben had sex, Leigh-Cheri was tense, and kept her eyes shut. The next time, she keeps her eyes open, and it is an entirely different experience. She knows she isn’t in love with him—that it is just incredible sex—and sometimes that makes her sad.

After her experience with the Camel cigarette pack, Leigh-Cheri is more aware of objects and treats them as she would other people. One night, she realizes she never found out what happened to the golden ball.

Her new awareness of objects aside, Leigh-Cheri does her best to ignore her engagement ring. She promises to marry A’ben when the pyramid is complete. He asks her about the golden ball, and she mentions an old friend. A’ben knows she is talking about the Woodpecker, and the next day gives orders prohibiting anyone named Bernard Mickey Wrangle from entering the country.

When a man identifying as Bernard Mickey Wrangle appears at the Algerian border, he is held. A’ben is notified, and he sends the Algerian police commissioner several impressive gifts, requesting that Bernard Mickey Wrangle be held in a maximum security prison indefinitely. He adds more workers to the pyramid project, determined to complete it and marry Leigh-Cheri immediately.

Leigh-Cheri is annoyed that A’ben has assigned two security guards to her, but he tells her it is for her protection. Soon, however, she forgives him, and they have sex.

Leigh-Cheri is excited for the pyramid to be finished, but also dreads the day, as it will be her wedding day.

As a toddler, Bernard was left behind by his family at a gas station near Walla Walla, Washington. An onion rancher at the gas pump observed the whole thing and brought Bernard home with him. Dude Wrangle was a former Hollywood cowboy and his wife, Kathleen, was an ex-philosophy professor. When Bernard turned 15, they sent him to a Swiss boarding school. It is surprising then, in light of his educational background, that he twice refuses to halt when told to by an Algerian jailer.

Queen Gulietta arranges for Max and Tilli to be released from the CIA’s custody and given a lump sum by her government. They split the money, and Max moves to Reno. When Tilli visits, she is surprised that everyone knows and loves him. In the hotel lobby one morning, she sees a newspaper article about Bernard’s death in an Algerian prison.

Max admits to Tilli that although he didn’t like Bernard, he is sad about the man’s death. Tilli tells him Leigh-Cheri doesn’t know about Bernard’s death. Max suggests she wait until after Leigh-Cheri’s wedding to tell her.

When the last stone is placed in Leigh-Cheri’s pyramid, it feels anticlimactic. The work that will happen inside the pyramid is just beginning, but it hinges on her marriage. She feels disconnected from the pyramid when she expects to feel close to it. She would attribute this feeling to the large scale of the pyramid, except that the moon, which is also huge, always feels intimate. Leigh-Cheri is driven to her apartment, where Tilli and Queen Gulietta are waiting.

It is Sunday, and Leigh-Cheri and A’ben Fizel will be married on Tuesday in a small ceremony. After a toast, they will travel to the pyramid for the reception.

Leigh-Cheri spends all day Monday with Tilli and Gulietta in her apartment. Although those who put Gulietta in power wanted her to act more as a figurehead, she has become a strong political force, and all the women in her country are now practicing lunaception. Today, however, she and Leigh-Cheri are snorting cocaine during the dress fitting. Tilli gives Leigh-Cheri a letter from Max, but instead accidentally gives her an envelope with the clipping about Bernard’s death.

Leigh-Cheri can’t stop crying. She thinks it is because Bernard was real and authentic. That night, she goes to the pyramid. There are still some workers there, so the building is open, and she goes to the inner chamber to be alone. She lights a lamp and finds that there is someone there with her.

The man has a red beard, and Leigh Cheri assumes he is a Red Beard who was drawn to the pyramid. When he calls her “dragon bait,” however, she knows who it is and faints.

When Leigh-Cheri wakes up, her head is pillowed on a bomb. Bernard explains that the man who died in Algeria was a friend from prison who had Bernard’s passport. Leigh-Cheri begins to cry, and Bernard hugs her. They hold each other, unaware that two workers had seen them and left to find A’ben.

Bernard confesses that he came to the pyramid to blow off its point. Leigh-Cheri realizes that although Bernard was alone in a cell with a pack of Camels, just as she was, he hadn’t gotten the same message that she did. Bernard also apologizes for his letter. He wrote her another, saying he was sorry, but before he could send it, she left Seattle and moved to the desert. The princess forgives him, and they hug again. Over Bernard’s shoulder, Leigh-Cheri sees A’ben at the entrance to the pyramid, just before he shuts and locks the door.

Leigh-Cheri and Bernard eat the wedding cake and drink the champagne that was waiting there for the reception. When it gets cold, they huddle under the tablecloth while she tells him about the Camel pack. Outside the pyramid, A’ben is spreading the rumor that a terrorist has kidnapped Leigh-Cheri.

Bernard and Leigh-Cheri, meanwhile, are still drinking champagne. He tells her that he ran into the couple from Argon in Los Angeles. They talk about the symbolism of the Camel pack and its message of CHOICE until they pass out.

When they wake up, the lamp has burned out. Leigh-Cheri is certain that A’ben means to leave them locked in the pyramid, and she wants to use Bernard’s dynamite to get them out. He points out that in blowing up the door, he would kill them.

Everyone believes the story of Leigh-Cheri’s abduction. Meanwhile, she and Bernard are running out of wedding cake.

Leigh-Cheri and Bernard have an unspoken pact not to talk about getting out and not to have sex. Finally, they drink their last bottle of champagne.

It has been a month since they entered the pyramid, and they are out of food, drink, and lamp oil. They wonder why no one has discovered them, not realizing that A’ben has announced he will never open the pyramid, instead painting it black as a monument to his lost love.

Leigh-Cheri is frustrated that now she will die in a pyramid and never solve the mystery of them. Bernard explains that pyramids are just pedestals for the souls of the truly alive. She hugs him, and they have sex. After Bernard falls asleep, Leigh-Cheri gets the dynamite ready.

Leigh Cheri props the dynamite against the door and lights the fuse. She returns to Bernard and lays on top of him. He wakes up, realizes what she is doing, and tries to stop her, but she pins him down, and the bomb goes off.

The narrator notes that the moon isn’t responsible for all the meaning that humans attribute to it. It is, after all, just a battered rock orbiting Earth. People who like the sun point out that the moon is just reflecting its light, and they are right that the moon is a mirror. The moon hangs over the Seattle Furstenberg-Barcalona house as Leigh-Cheri and Bernard arrive.

In the hospital, Bernard wakes up before Leigh-Cheri, and he is deaf. Police assumed that he was the kidnapper and are ready to arrest him. He thought that Leigh-Cheri was dead and was planning his escape when he finds out she’s alive. She tells the police that he is innocent, and they take him to her room. Her hair is burned off, her face is scarred, and she is also deaf.

Before A’ben can get to the hospital, Gulietta brings the couple to her palace to heal. Bernard had written Leigh-Cheri a letter in which he described a dream he had while unconscious, in which they escaped through the Camel pack. Leigh-Cheri had the same dream, with all the same details, and they wonder if it was really a dream. While at Gulietta’s palace, they receive word that Max has died—his heart gave out after hearing of Leigh-Cheri’s abduction, death, and return to life.

They bury Max in Reno, and Tilli moves to Europe to be with Gulietta. Leigh-Cheri and Bernard live in the Seattle house, rarely going out. They wear matching hearing aids.

The author is happy to have finished the book and gives the Remington SL3 credit for finishing the job. He concludes that he will never write another novel on an electric typewriter, yet can’t stop typing, still discussing the themes of the book. Finally, he decides to pull the plug.