The Adoration of Jenna Fox

Jenna begins this section of the book by willfully seeking out connection, something that will become a through-line of the following sections. This desire for connection is coupled with Jenna’s feelings of awkwardness and strangeness and her desire to feel normal and whole. She thinks of her upcoming school day, firmly declaring that, “This time tomorrow I will be in school. I will be making more friends. I will be owning a life” (51). On her way to see Mr. Bender, Jenna encounters some of her neighbors, and is aware that her lack of social grace confuses them: “Am I missing something, or are they?” (52), she asks. Her previous failure to have Mr. Bender’s sparrows land on her still weighs on her, as evidenced by her urgent desire to see them, even before she confronts with Mr. Bender with his secret. They still refuse to come to her, and she rebuffs Mr. Bender’s attempts to comfort her: “Why should it matter that a small brown bird lands on my hand anyway?” (55). The fact that the birds keep their distance serve as an outside representation of Jenna’s internal feelings that something is wrong with her. While talking to Mr. Bender, she also discovers that her fingers will not interlace properly, something that seems “awkward” (58); this is yet another manifestation of Jenna’s inner sense of disquiet.

At school the next day, she meets her classmates, who are discussing Walden, a work about man’s relationship with nature and, ultimately, with himself. Jenna is embarrassed by her stilted walk, her inability to talk about her accident, and her encyclopedic knowledge of Walden and world history. She corrects Ethan on his interpretation of Walden, arguing that “‘[Thoreau] was searching for his personal essence’” (72), a clear mirror to Jenna’s own search for meaning and identity. Jenna fears that she has “upset the balance” (73) of this small school’s fragile ecosystem, and prepares to spend lunch alone. She is genuinely surprised to be included, and is eager to be accepted. She seems to experience her first real post-accident emotions here, describing it as a “jammed-up feeling” (76) that “wants to burst out” (76). More than anything, what Jenna wants is to feel accepted by her classmates, and holds on tightly and proudly to the memory of Allys saying, “‘I like you, Jenna’” (76).

Jenna’s feelings of insecurity and being not “enough” (80) are tempered by her memories of “Ethan reminding me how much I do know” (80). When Lily undercuts and discourages Jenna’s budding relationship with Ethan, she reacts with anger, desperate to keep the sense of normalcy she’s gained. Ethan’s later declaration that Jenna is “nothing special” (89) makes her “insides swell” (89), as that’s all Jenna wants in the first place. This time, it is Ethan who moves and speaks awkwardly: “You’re fitting in, Jenna,” she hears a voice inside her head saying. “You’re loved, Jenna. You’re normal, Jenna. You are almost whole” (90). In this way, the connections Jenna makes freely, outside the protection of her family, are what truly make her feel “whole”.