111 pages • 3 hours read
The Distance Between Us
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Intersection of Memory and Imagination
Memoirists often rely on this intersection to explore and reveal their histories. There are times when Reyna’s imagination gets the best of her. For example, she imagines being struck down by God for lying. Her sister Mago encourages her at that point to use her imagination for something more constructive. In Mexico, she brings a photo of her father with her each time she moves, talking to it and calling him The Man Behind the Glass; while she cherishes the photo as a memory of him, it also comes to symbolizes all she imagines him to be—which turns out to be a fantasy.
She also has cherished memories, and frightful ones. In the habit of collecting memories—some of which may not be factual—she craves hearing about her parents. She remembers her mother’s memory of being at the pool with her father. Additionally, she remembers something her father told her—that he bathed her when she was very small and too young to remember. Remembering the story of her umbilical cord being buried in Iguala, however, may not be real. Mago is the one who told her this story. Later, perhaps out of spite, Mago tells Reyna that the story was an invention from Mago’s own imagination.
Geographical and Emotional Distance Within Immigrant Families
In giving her account, Grande cites specific instances in her own life when geographical distance creates devastating emotional distance. Literally separated from both of her parents as a child, Reyna discovers that, even upon reuniting, the emotional distance remains. Her mother, once a dedicated and loving mother, abandons the children often and even in their presence does not allow them access, especially after her break-up with Reyna’s father.
Even later when Reyna is living with her father, he is usually drunk and uninterested in any of her accomplishments. Now that the physical distance is closed, the emotional separation worsens. Her home life becomes so bleak that she ends up having to physically push her father away from her sister, and she finally closes herself off to him by hiding in her room and coming out only when he is out or asleep.
Once Reyna becomes an ESL teacher and begins reading Latino literature, she realizes that her situation is not unique. At first she is comforted to learn that other immigrant families suffer from physical and emotional distance; knowing this makes her feel less alone. However, the discovery of the prevalence of these situations disturbs her; she witnesses, as an ESL teacher, children who are separated from parents, and parents who are separated from children.
Conflict Between Concepts of House Versus Home
Her father’s dream house ends up being just that—a dream, and a house—but not a home. While he finally succeeds in building it, his sister tricks his mother into signing it over to her. The investment is lost, with great emotional consequences. His dream to build a house was his reason for leaving the children behind in the first place, and they all suffered because of it.
For Reyna’s part, she shifts from household to household, rarely feeling that she is at home. Life in Evila’s house is miserable. Life in her father’s apartment in Los Angeles is not much better. She spends one night in the cramped, filthy apartment that her mother shares with three other people. She eventually moves in with her teacher, where she feels safe—but of course this is not her home.
By the end of her story, she is moving in to a student apartment, finally independent, but only temporarily. The only place she could consider home was in her Grandmother Chinta’s shack. Despite the poverty, it was there that she found comfort in not just a house or structure, but a home.
Forging New Identities as Immigrants
Facing family separations, cultural barriers, and language barriers, Reyna struggles to identify herself. She begins to consider her aunt as a mother figure and relies on her sister’s motherly protection as well. She is teased because of her name; both she and her sister have to get used to teachers in America asking if they can address Mago—short for Magloria—as Maggie. One of Reyna’s teachers wants to call her Princess.
Once they graduate from ESL classes, Reyna and her siblings all respond differently to the other immigrants they met in that environment. Mago refuses to associate with them, but Carlos remains close. Reyna, practically friendless (apart from the attention of boys) loses her one close friend, a Vietnamese immigrant who thinks that Reyna has stolen her boyfriend.
Eventually Reyna asks herself where she belongs, if anywhere. When she returns to Mexico, old friends tease her over her poor Spanish skills. In America, people criticize her Spanish accent. Only with time and wisdom does she accept herself for who she is: She is, first, Mexican American. She can also finally identify herself not as the daughter of her parents but as her own person.
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By Reyna Grande
