Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race

Chapter 3 addresses white privilege, that is, the privileges societies afford white people over people of color simply because of their skin color. Eddo-Lodge explains the concept with a heartrending anecdote. When Eddo-Lodge was four years old, she asked her mother when she would become white, explaining that “all the good people on TV were White, and all the villains were black and brown” (85). Eddo-Lodge describes whiteness as “neutral” and “the default” (85). By contrast, Blackness is “other” and something that raises suspicion. These social codes are so apparent that even children can recognize them, as Eddo-Lodge’s opening anecdote demonstrates.

White people undeniably experience hardships, but these hardships are never based on their race. The same cannot be said for people of color, whose lives are impacted negatively simply because they are not white. As Eddo Lodge observes, however, white privilege is about absence as much as it is about advantages:

White privilege is an absence of the consequences of racism. An absence of structural discrimination, an absence of your race being viewed as a problem first and foremost, an absence of ‘less likely to succeed because of my race.’ It is an absence of funny looks directed at you because you’re believed to be in the wrong place, an absence of cultural expectations, an absence of violence enacted on your ancestors because of the colour of their skin, an absence of a lifetime of subtle marginalisation and othering—exclusion from the narrative of being human (86).

People of color who are prejudiced against white people are often called reverse racists. Eddo-Lodge argues this is a false equivalency. She explains the critical difference between prejudice and racism: power. People of color do not wield enough collective power to impact white people in substantive ways:

There simply aren't enough black people in positions of power to enact racism against white people on the kind of grand scale it currently operates at against black people. Are black people over-represented in the places and spaces where prejudice could really take effect? The answer is almost always no (89).

White privilege is a key factor that led Eddo-Lodge to stop discussing race with white people. She found that the topic engendered a range of negative reactions, such as disbelief, defensiveness, and anger because it forced white people to confront their own complicity in supporting racist structures. Eddo-Lodge also feared the potential consequences of engaging with white people: “You’re never sure when a conversation about race and racism will turn into one where you were scared for your physical safety or social position” (92). Like others who live under the weight of racism, Eddo-Lodge prefers discussing her experiences in safe spaces without fear of reprisals.

Eddo-Lodge’s seamless integration of research data and anecdotes engages readers by bringing statistics to life. Her discussion of multiracial people is a case in point. Eddo-Lodge begins by citing a 2014 article in The Economist, which draws heavily on census data. The data shows multiracial people have been Britain’s fastest growing ethnic group since 2001 and that 6% of British children under the age of five identify as multiracial, more than any other ethnic minority group (101). Eddo-Lodge follows this section with comments from Jessica, a multiracial friend who identifies as Black. Unlike Eddo-Lodge, Jessica does not have the luxury of not engaging with white people because half her family is White. She describes the challenges of discussing white privilege with them:

[When I was younger] they pretended like it wasn’t an issue […] because I never seemed to have any problems growing up. And I was like, yes, but racism is more than a one-off incident. It’s about the world you live in, and the way you experience your environment (104).

More troubling are Jessica’s recent experiences with her uncle and cousin, who overtly express views on social media. Her attempts to explain why their comments are hurtful have caused rifts in her family:

They see me talking about race as if I’m a problem, as if I’m a troublemaker. It’s caused me to distance myself over the last couple of years from my white family […] I couldn’t deal with them not understanding where I’m coming from (104).

Although Jessica now avoids these distant relatives, she has not cut ties with her mother, who also struggles to understand her daughter’s experiences:

My mum, she’s completely blinded by her whiteness a lot of the time […] She just thinks, I can’t believe someone can be that biased. She can’t imagine institutional bias. So you have to start with the basics. I can’t do that with all my family, you know? (105).

Jessica’s difficult conversations with her mother have left her feeling angry, not just at the lack of understanding but also at the lack of awareness her parents had about raising a multiracial child:

Why didn’t they think: Well, what’s this mixed-race child going to experience? They never did anything to address my cultural needs, so things like how to do my hair, things like Jamaican food, you know, all that stuff that I think is integral to growing up and knowing where you’re from (106).

What the example of Jessica reveals is that Britain’s growing multiracial population has not automatically resulted in a less biased society because race consciousness is learned, not inherited. In other words, Britain’s demographics are shifting more quickly than its attitudes.

Chapter 3 ends with comments by Jennifer Krase, a white American living in Britain whose anti-racist politics impacts other aspects of her life. Jennifer actively seeks to dismantle racism by discussing it with her white friends and family. She sees racism as a white problem and understands white privilege upholds racist structures. Eddo-Lodge includes this section to explain the title of her book: She has not stopped discussing race and racism with all white people, only those who refuse to acknowledge the existence of structural racism. The white people in her title are not individuals but rather a political ideology.