You Could Make This Place Beautiful: A Memoir

Please Don’t

Three months before finding the postcard, Smith attends a conference and signs copies of her book at the event’s book fair. Smith can’t shake the feeling that she has left her work—caring for the home and the children—and that her husband is “covering” for her, and she wonders why she should feel this way.

The Spreadsheet

Smith creates a list of all the tasks that are her responsibility in the marriage. She realizes that her marriage is not dissimilar from her mother’s marriage. Smith’s mother stayed at home and did not go to college, and yet her duties and Smith’s duties in their marriages are identical. The poet wonders whether her children will grow up to view their father’s job as more “real” than her own. When she leaves on a business trip, her husband makes her feel as though she is in trouble for inconveniencing him and his work.

On Second Thought

Smith answers the question she poses in the previous chapter. Her children will view her husband’s work as more important than her own, but she recognizes that part of the reason for this is her own behavior: “Marriages are cocreated. Whatever ours looked like, we built that together” (82).

Bruises

Rhett undergoes surgery for chronic ear infections. A few weeks after the surgery, he is diagnosed with vasculitis. Meanwhile, Smith’s husband comes home with a new luxury car and expensive sunglasses. One week later, she finds the postcard.

In the Beginning

Smith tells no one about the postcard or the pinecone. She suggests to her husband that they attend marriage counseling, and he agrees. Smith hopes to fix the marriage before anyone notices that it is broken.

Pinecone

A friend’s husband refers to the woman Smith’s husband is having an affair with as “Pinecone.”

Crying on the Couch

Smith and her husband begin marriage counseling. The counselor arranges for Smith to stay for half an hour after her husband leaves to process her emotions. Smith never shares about her husband’s infidelity or the postcard; instead, she believes that the affair is a symptom of a larger problem that can be discovered in therapy.

The Play

In the play version of Smith’s divorce, the Finder sits next to her husband on the couch in front of a marriage counselor. The focus of the discussion is the Finder’s work travel. The Husband is angry that his wife works all the time, and that their children see her working all the time. The Finder points out that she works from home and fewer hours than her husband.

A Note on Conflict and Crisis

Smith notices a distinct difference between how her husband’s work is valued and considered in comparison to her own: “He didn’t need permission to do his work. He didn’t have to ask me to ‘cover for him’ while he worked” (90). Her husband disdains her work travel, but Smith makes an effort to ease his time while she is gone. She turns down speaking engagements and comes home early when her husband gets a fever, something that her husband would never do if he was away on business. Smith places her husband’s desires and temper above her own desires and needs.

The Material

Smith asks the reader to accept her story as it is and to derive something from it. She cannot do the difficult work of creating meaning; she can only present her story as it is.

The Last Family Vacation

After a month of marriage counseling, the family takes a summer beach trip. Smith feels unable to shake her sadness and spends most of her time inside with her daughter.

It Isn’t About the Waves

After the trip, her husband complains to their marriage counselor that Smith spent the vacation writing rather than playing in the waves. Smith holds inside many of the things she felt on the vacation—how she wanted to disappear, how the ocean makes her feel unsafe, and how the sadness will not leave.

The Water

During an explosive argument, Smith picks up a cup and throws it. Although she is not proud, she cannot feel sorry for expressing her anger fully for the first time.

Taking Down the Pictures

Smith and her husband stop speaking to one another. She tells him that she read his notebook and saw the postcard, and he reacts with anger. After another fight, he leaves and does not return. On an impulse, Smith takes down every picture of him in their home.

Something Like Relief

In counseling, Smith announces that she is tired of focusing solely on what her husband needs and wants from her to be happy. She notes that the counselor looks relieved to hear her say it. She confesses about finding the postcard, and the couple decides to separate.

A Note on Plot

Smith realizes that all the good things that have happened to her were simultaneously detrimental to her marriage.

Some People Ask

Smith confronts a common question she faces: “Was it always like this?” (102). She considers answering in full, providing every detail. Instead, she admits that in some ways her marriage was and in others it was not “like this.”

Bank Lollipops

When she learns her husband has removed exactly one half of all the funds from their joint accounts, she takes her children to the bank to withdraw the rest. When she is done, she asks the teller for three suckers, two for her children and one for herself.

Grounds

Divorce paperwork requires a reason for the separation, and Smith feels that “irreconcilable differences” does not cover it.

This Moment Isn’t for You

Smith will not share the story of telling their children they are getting a divorce. She believes that is their own story to tell, when and if they feel like doing so.

Bittersweet

Rhett celebrates his sixth birthday with two parties, one with his mother and one with his father. Smith bakes him a chocolate cake from Alice Medrich’s Bittersweet cookbook.

Keep Moving

Smith writes a tweet as a reminder to herself and others to keep moving, even while sitting with grief and anger. This is the beginning of a practice that later leads to a book.

Ghost Story

Smith feels like a ghost. Before the divorce, while still in the house with her husband, she felt invisible.

Lucky Thirteen

On their thirteenth wedding anniversary, Smith sits in her lawyer’s office to finalize paperwork for the divorce. She receives a phone call from a friend who contacts her each year on her anniversary. After she leaves the office, she sends her friend an email, explaining what has happened.